


The things keeping you up all night (it hurts, but it's normal, you know?)

by baekkieony



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt, Hurt, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Love, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, References to Illness, Sad, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tragic Romance, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?, fangirling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 17:45:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12940452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekkieony/pseuds/baekkieony
Summary: It isn't his fault.





	The things keeping you up all night (it hurts, but it's normal, you know?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Every fangirl who ever felt misunderstood](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Every+fangirl+who+ever+felt+misunderstood).



> I think literally every fangirl can relate to this. I'm here for you if you feel the need to talk to somebody. I'm sitting in front of my laptop, the seventh glass of wine next to me (i hate wine) and my current feeling is depressed, lol (i feel like i'm getting alcoholic). Feel free to yell at me; I love attention
> 
> And yes, I'm old enough to drink, at least in my country (germany has very loose laws when it comes to drinking)
> 
> (Underage drinking is a crime and I do not recommend it or push you to do it, because your brain is growing until you're like 21 and drinking until you end up in hospital if you're not at least old enough to do it legally will stop this growing too early. So don't do it. Even if in some stories of mine people do it.)

She knows that it's not his fault. It can't be his fault.

It's not his fault that it hurts. It's not his fault that she's hurt, because he doesn't even know that she exists.

She knows that it's not his fault, but it still hurts.

Chanyeol's a star.

An idol.

A celebrity.

Glitter and glamour are his.

Getting awards, being on tv, promoting songs and exo is his life.

And she's watching every show he appears on.

Some people say she's just weird.

Some people make fun about her loving Kpop and Chanyeol.

Some people don't care.

Some people say she's insane.

Some people say she's dumb, because he'll never feel the same for her.

Hell, he doesn't even know that she exist.

But she's not dumb. She knows that he won't love her back, she knows that it's unrequited love.

She knows that watching every show he appears on won't change a thing.

She knows that there's a possibility of 1 percent that she'll ever meet him.

It's hard finding someone to blame when it's no ones fault that she loves him.

She doesn't understand every single thing he say on tv, yes, but it doesn't matter. The sparkle in his eyes is enough, because when Chanyeol's happy, she's happy too.

There are times when she wishes that she could love someone like her best friend.

Someone in her league, a friend, a long known person, someone who knows that she exists. Someone better for her than Chanyeol.

Sometimes she just wishes that she's able to love a normal person, like a normal teenage girl at the age of 17 would.

She sees him hardworking, failing, getting up again and she feels every moment with him.

Her depressions got better since she discovered him. She has something to hold on.

He's so close with his face on the display in front of her, but still so far away.

She isn't able to go to a concert or a fansign, because does exo even know that europe exists? Definitely not.

She watches him telling his fans that he loves them.

She cries, hard, because she isn't there to get told the same.

She's a fan.

He's a star.

She loves him.

He loves his fans.

**Author's Note:**

> I hate myself for this.


End file.
